In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!


Friday, December 10, 2010

Old Sea Salt Become Seaside Santa and Who Gonna Check Me, Boo?

When the first Christmas came around shortly after we moved in here and we were still filled with delusional optimism that we'd have this place completely renovated within one year, I said I wouldn't decorate for the holidays until the renovations were completed.

We eventually realized that basically gutting the inside of a house and rebuilding it was going to take a lot longer than a year. Especially since we had never before done anything more than repaint rooms. Why we thought we could gut a house and rebuild it ourselves, I have no idea. And we couldn't be content just replacing everything, we decided to eliminate walls to have an open living area, move walls back to make rooms larger, make our own copper ceiling tiles, create an old world kind of plaster texture on a couple of the walls, and well, you get the idea.

Every project that we thought would take a week to do has ended up taking months because we didn't know what the hell we are doing. Which has resulted in numerous do overs. And threats of divorce, genital mutilation, weeks of icy silence, and homicidal fantasies. What started out as a fun adventure has turned into a never ending renovating nightmare. But now that the fun has worn off and we're several years older, we're swallowing our pride and hiring people to do some of the projects. But I digress..

What were we taking about? Oh, yes- decorating for the holidays. I've stuck to my vow of not decorating for the holidays until the renovations are done, so this Old Salt guy I sculpted a few years ago becomes Seaside Santa every December. I dusted him off today so now my holiday decorating is done-  

After dusting and transforming Old Sea Salt into Seaside Santa tonight, I decided to take Isabella for a walk and that somehow made it necessary for me to give Real Old Man a crash course on RHOA.

Me: I think I'll walk Isabella over on Sun Lane to look at the holiday decorations.

ROM: That's the non dog area, you can't walk Isabella there.

Me: I'm a grown ass woman and I'll walk my dog where ever the hell I want! Who gonna check me, boo?

ROM: The Home Owners Association will check you, boo. They'll write us a warning letter, and then you'll write a smart ass reply back to them.  And why are you talking like a young hip black woman?

Me: Because that's the way my friends in Atlanta talk. It's cool.

ROM: That NeCe, Sharon, and the Coated Candy woman from Atlanta are not your friends.

Me: Shows what you know. You don't even know my friends names. It's NeNe, Kandi and Sheree. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, boo. I'll be back when I'm done with my walk.

ROM: You just combined ancient slang with new slang. That sounds ridiculous.

Me: Isabella and I are going on our walk.

ROM: Well, wait a minute. Let me put my shoes on. Emmy and I'll go with you. I've been wanting to see the Synder's light display. I think that old bastard put more up yesterday. I swear he's trying to compete with me... 

It's just how we roll...


  1. "And why are you talking like a young hip black woman?" ROM cracks me up! LMAO!!!

  2. This is hilarious! I love how ROM botched the names of the Atlanta housewives.

    This is great! Thanks for the laugh...and slow your roll woman! Maybe you need to start watching the BH series. You can take on the persona of an aging, snooty, white woman!

  3. Bea and Colibri- ROM will feel silly when NeNe swings by here some evening to pick me up for a night on the town.

  4. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE IT!! combined stoned age with hip.. lmaooo Me and my Mr Man have the same convo's. He loves my accents and cant get enough of them. Mr Man is now hooked on the Housewives of Atlanta show. He thinks they are the realist of all reality shows and loves NeNe and Sheree the best. Tonight is a new episode!! Hope its better than last weeks..

  5. LMAOOOOOOOOOO!! You tell ROM, if you're young, hip black chick friends from Atlanta don't come and take you out, your young, white, hip surfer chick friend from Malibu is coming, her name is Eve, not Eva, not Eden, but EVE!

    Malibu Eve

  6. LOL that was cute. I really like the "Coated Candy Lady" part.


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