As I settled on the lanai Sunday night to watch the Academy Awards, one of my elderly neighbors stopped by... and she ended up staying until the end of the show. Without even trying or realizing it, she is so freaking funny. Here's a bit of our conversation as we watched the Oscars being presented...
Tilly- What are you typing?
Me- A tweet.
Tilly- What's a tweet?
Me- A message I send to Twitter
Tilly- Who would name their child Twitter? That's a horrible thing to name a child
Me- I think her parents were hippies
Tilly- Well, that explains it
Me- You've never heard of Twitter?
Tilly- No, is she famous?
Me- Kind of
Tilly- Never heard of her
Tilly- Oh, doesn't Kirk look good?
Me- No, he looks awful. My gawd those ear lobes! It must be true that our noses and ears keep growing as the rest of our body shrinks.
Tilly- I think he looks good for his age
Me- At his age just breathing is good.
(Poor old Kirk Douglas, as a senior citizen I have to say that isn't inspiring to see these old men with brain damage paraded in public. It's just depressing. I can't bear to watch Dick Clark on the New Year's Eve show either. It just reminds me another year has passed, increasing my chances of having a stroke which could leaving me with garbled speech like Dick and Kirk. Eww... horrible thought)
Tilly- That pretty young girl reminds me of Audrey Hepburn
Me- Ann Hathaway? She's the daughter of Audrey's illegitimate daughter who she put up for adoption
Tilly- I had no idea Audrey was a slut!
Me- The studios kept it a secret
Tilly- These young people in show business today sure don't keep things secret. Shameful what some of them are up to!
Tilly- Billy Crystal looks old. How'd that happen? He was such a cute young man. And he's gotten so short
Me- He has always been short
Tilly- Really? I never noticed that before
Tilly- Isn't Bob Hope dead?
Me- Yes. Those are old film clips
Tilly- I miss him
Tilly- Are you still typing to Twitter? Does she type back to you?
Me- Yes she does
Tilly- What are you two talking about?
Me- The show
Tilly- Is she watching it too?
Me- Yes she is.
Tilly- That Fighter movie looks good
Me- It was good. Marky Mark sure has grown up. I remember that movie he did with Burt Reynolds
Tilly- I remember that movie. Do you think that was really his thing they showed at the end of that movie?
Me- You saw Boogie Nights? I have no idea if that was really Mark's penis
Tilly- Well, I didn't watch it because of him. I watched it because of Burt Reynolds. That Burt is a real stud muffin
Me- Oh Tilly, you naughty girl! Talking about stud muffins