In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!


Monday, April 4, 2011

Funny thing Happened On My Way To Swim Season...

The Gulf water is warming up! When I checked yesterday it was 73 degrees. Tourists and snow birds might swim in cool water temps, but we year arounders wait for it to hit 80. A few more weeks before it's warm enough for me. I decided to try my suit on a couple of weeks ago to see how it fit before ordering a new one. Let's just say I was not at all happy with the way I looked in a it. In all honesty, few women in their mid 60's look sexy and hot in a swim suit, but that doesn't mean we have to have a big ol' belly filling out our suits or fat hanging out under our arms. I do envy those old women who continue to wear bikinis with bellies sticking out farther than their tatas, and half their ass spilling out of the bottoms. Or the other extreme, so thin and lacking in muscle tone their skin hangs in flaps. They have the attitude that if someone doesn't like the way they look, fuck 'em, they don't have to look. I, on the other hand, am way too vain, insecure and self conscious, so I stick to a one piece. And I sure as hell don't want my stomach sticking out farther than my tatas. Soooo....

I've started yet another early spring diet. Real Old Man decided to join me as he isn't real happy with his girth either. So a couple of weeks ago I purged the cupboards and fridge of all high calorie, high fat, and high carb foods. Then I went grocery shopping for Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice frozen dinners, raw veggies, and Slim Fast which would be our supper every other night. We don't do anything half way- we either eat unhealthy fattening food with gusto (hence the diet every spring) or we seriously diet.

For breakfast I have half of mini whole grain bagel and a hard boiled egg, for lunch raw veggies and cheese, and for suppers we were to alternate every other night with frozen dinner or a Slim Fast. Actually the Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice dinners taste okay, just very small portions.

Where I ran into trouble was with the Low Carb Slim Fast. The first night we were to have that for supper, I was busy with something so ROM drank his first. I asked him later how it was and all he said was "It was okay". I didn't get around to drinking mine until after he had gone to bed.
I shook the can, tore the top off, poured it in a glass and took a big gulp of it. Sweet jezzuz, that was the nastiest stuff I'd ever tasted. I can't even describe it- just horrid with a distinct and very disgusting after taste. I reminded myself swim suit was fast approaching, manned up and took another big swig of it. Oh my gawd, it just got worse. After getting half of it down my gag reflex kicked in and knew I would never be able to put another drop of that putrid stuff in my mouth again.  I dumped the rest it down the sink, washed the glass, and then spent the rest of the evening trying not to throw up. That taste stayed with me all night, even after brushing my teeth and scrubbing my tongue.

I had no idea how ROM had been able to drink that stuff and then say it was "okay". There was nothing okay about it. We had three cartons of that disgusting sludge sitting in the fridge and I knew I could never drink another drop of it. But damn, I didn't want to admit to ROM that I was such a wuzz I couldn't drink that crap. The following night was Lean Cuisine night, so I didn't have to 'fess up yet that I could never ever as long as I live drink that gawd awful concoction. We enjoyed our Lean Cuisine dinner and neither of us mentioned the Slim Fast.

When Slim Fast night came around again, I purposely made sure I was busy at supper time and told him to go ahead and have his Slim Fast, I'd have mine later. As soon as he went to bed, I opened a can and immediately poured it down the sink, putting the empty can in the trash so he'd be sure to see it. I was not going to admit I couldn't do the Slim Fast. I had a hard boiled egg and raw veggies instead. This went on for 5 Slim Fast nights until I started  feeling guilty, then I finally came clean and told him I had been pouring mine down the sink. He looked at me with shocked outrage and said "Damn you woman! I hate that shit and had to fight the urge to puke every time I drank one of those!". I asked him why in the hell he told me they were "okay" when I asked him about his first one.  He admitted he didn't want to be the one to break our diet plan and by gawd if I was sticking to it, so was he- even if it did make him want to puke. Neither of us have drank another Slim Fast since I made my confession. But we've stuck to our diet- he's lost 6 lbs. and I've lost 4. Why in the hell do men lose weight faster than women? The bastards...

And here are a few photos of what's blooming in my yard this week.... click photos to see full size.

Bird of Paradise



  1. Awwwww, what a sweetheart ROM is!

    PS: gorgeous pics too

  2. Classic example of a man and woman in good marriage. ROM wants to be supportive and sucks it up. ROH doesn't want to admit uh oh, so goes to subterfuge. ^-^

  3. from ImaJillHater2 -

    ROH, thanks for the belly laugh!

    (Speaking of bellies, I'm working on reducing mine as well! Was going to try SlimFast, but guess I'll cross that off the shopping list. Thanks to you & ROM for "taking the bullet"!)


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