In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!

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Friday, June 10, 2011

Taking Applications...

I recently read an article regarding a new trend of people adopting adult children. I think that's a great idea! Just think- you wouldn't have to go through pregnancy with swollen feet and end up tattooed with stretch marks for the rest of your life. You could skip the terrible twos and toilet training. Then   completely avoid all the drama of the horrid teen years.  Another plus would be you could pick the gender.

I never had sisters or daughters, and would love to have an adult daughter. Ideally she'd be in her mid to late 30's, be socially and politically liberal, interested in art, no felony convictions, hate lawn gnomes, a lover of animals, appreciate a wide variety of music, and be financially secure (just in case that nice Nigerian man that keeps emailing me doesn't come through with the fortune he promised me). She also has to love the beach, browsing unusual little shops, and sitting on the pier at night fishing. I'd prefer she not have excessive visible piercings and tattoos. Social drinking and responsible use of weed is fine, but any serious addictions would be a deal breaker.  It would be an added plus if she had kids and made me an instant grandma.

She'd have to be non traditional and fine with spending Thanksgiving on the lanai eating stone crabs and peel & eat shrimp instead of the customary turkey and stuffing. And most importantly, I have to be able to trust that when I'm senile and in a nursing home, she'll come once a week to pluck my chin and then touch up my roots once a month. I mean come on, isn't that one of the biggest payoffs for having a daughter? Only a daughter would know how important those two things are to a woman!

2 comments:

  1. Oh for sure - the chin hairs! I don't have a daughter (or dil) but have 2 granddaughters. I need to start training them (on second thought I'll leave detailed instructions). Hopefully that's far enough down the road they'll be adults by then. As far as my roots, I'm thinking I'd like my head shaved and have different wigs to throw on when necessary. How liberating that would be. Wear super cute flamboyant scarves and hats whenever possible. For some reason I'm feeling Tyne Daly.
    oxox
    Jillousy

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  2. Hey, I could almost be your adult daughter! Only 2 things disqualify me, I don't eat any seafood. (though I bought some Salmon so I could give it a shot this weekend) and my age. I'm over 30.Lol.

    But I will tell you we are kindred spirits and love all the same things. I've always wanted to live by the water. ( plucking the hair of your chinny chin chin might be a problem. I'll just shave your face like Caroline Manzo)! So am in? Lol @bravolebrity1

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