In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!


Thursday, March 22, 2012

Nature Has An Ugly Side- Horror of Duck Rape- Part 1

While chatting on Twitter recently, someone asked about Danielle the Prostitution Duck Whore.  Some of you may remember my turf war with her a couple of years ago. I wrote about our epic battle over my flower beds in my other blog because I hadn't yet moved my personal stories to this blog. You can read about her here if you missed it.

Anyway, while we were Twitter chatting about Danielle the duck, I mentioned the two summers I spent protecting some mallard girls from rape. People thought I was crazy until they Googled "duck rape". Be prepared for some gruesome images if you decide to Google this. Seriously! It ain't pretty, not pretty at all.  Of course I knew nature is often brutal, the survival of the fittest thing.  Animals eat each other as a food supply and kill to protect their territory. But rape? Gang rape, no less! No, never entered my mind anything like that went on in nature. I thought only humans were capable of such brutality. My involvement with the ducks started quite innocently...

Prior to moving to Florida, Real Old Man and I lived in rural Midwest. Our house was way out in the country on a 4 acre lot. The house was surrounded on 3 sides by a heavily wooded ravine with a creek at the bottom of it. Just down the road was a small lake which attracted mallard ducks and geese during the summer. Occasionally a few ducks would wander into our yard to pick through the seed droppings  from the bird feeders but they were just a few of many critters that frequented our lot- foxes, opossums, snakes, rabbits, coyotes and raccoons. The war with the raccoons is another story- that ended with ROM shooting me.  True story, but I leave the telling of that tale for another time. Back to the ducks...

The duck story started one spring when a couple of mama ducks nested and hatched their babies in our yard. I was thrilled when I discovered the nests and eggs- is there anything cuter than newly hatched ducklings?   Darling bundles of yellow fluff. My love for these adorable ducklings was the beginning of my downfall into duck madness. I was so tickled that the mama ducks were nesting in our yard, I began to feed them. First it was just bread crumbs but it wasn't long before I was buying bags of  nutritious duck pellets for them. The nests hatched and soon after the mamas took their babes to the lake down the road. I was delighted when the mama and babies would return every evening looking for the duck pellets they'd come to love. It was so much fun watching the babies grow and soon they became as big as their mama. Autumn came and they all went south. That was the last of the ducks until the following spring...

The following spring a couple dozen ducks, both male and female started visiting our yard on daily basis. I assumed they were the two mama ducks and their babies from the previous year. So instead of occasionally having a couple ducks wander through our yard, we became the popular hangout for more and more ducks daily. I suspected the mamas  had blabbed to their friends about the delicious duck pellets we tossed out into the yard every morning and again in the evenings. It seemed the crowd of ducks grew daily. And they were getting quite brazen and demanding...

If I was late feeding them in the mornings, they'd actually climb the steps to the glass siding door and tap their bills against it. I should have realized then that I was losing control of the situation and the ducks were taking over. Instead, I just marveled at how smart they were and thought it was cute. Little did I know I was setting the stage for a total take over by the ducks. I would soon learn things about the life of ducks that I really didn't want to know. The first scrimmage of my long war with some of the very ducks I was feeding was about to begin.

This story is going to be longer than I first thought so I'll break it down into several parts, and post them as I write them.


  1. Damn ROH you have me hooked and I can't wait until I get to read the rest of the story. Hope you post it soon and I also want to hear about ROM and the racoons, have a feeling that story is a hoot as well. Thanks for the chuckle just what my old body and mind need for today. (@babstheshopper)

  2. I want to hear about ROM shooting you!! WTH??!!!

  3. Hey Barbara- Thanks for stopping by. Yes, the raccoon story is crazy and hilarious. ROM still cringes when I tell it.

  4. I'm happy your writing on this blog again. I've missed your stories. I'm one of your silent followers on twitter but I seldom tweet. Hope you know what a bright spot you are for so many on twitter. Many thanks to you sweet lady.

  5. I'm hooked too & would love to hear about ROM shooting you! I've missed your blogs and you made my day with this one!


  6. Dang it! Cliffhanger! Not fair. Quack I say, Quack Quack!

  7. I'm working on the next chapter of the duck story-LOL

  8. Can't wait, ROH!


Talk To Me!