I don't know why technology waited to go crazy until my brain had aged and turned to sludge, my eyesight had faded and my fine motor skills had deteriorated. For most of my adult life things stayed basically the same. The only change in telephones for many, many years was when they went from rotary dials to push buttons, but basically phones stayed the same. I remember as a very young adult living in the boonies of Ky. having a phone that was on a party line. Of course that was somewhere around 45 years ago but I soon moved to civilization where party lines were a thing of the past. Eventually there were cordless phones which were an amazing and marvelous invention.
Then cell phones came along which was the first major change in phones in decades. They were nice to have when you were out and about, but many of us continued to rely on our home land line phones for most of our calling. Then ROM and I decided to save money by eliminating our land line and just rely on our cell phones. The cell phone was okay, other than I had to sit close to a window or outside to get a strong signal. They weren't perfect and had their problems such as if I tried to walk around the house as I talked the calls would often drop and made me long for my old cordless phone. But I managed even if I did bitch about the glitches. And then smart phones arrived on the scene...
I have a love/hate relationship with smart phones. Don't get me wrong- it's amazing what phones can do today. You can make calls, email, Twitter, view the internet, take photos and videos, text, and there are apps that can do just about anything. And I want to be able to do all those things. My major bitch about smart phones is they are too damn little! What is the fascination with making things tinier and tinier? Stop it! We don't need phones the size of a gawd damn postage stamp and buttons the size of an ant turd. To even see the buttons on my Blackberry I need my +3 strength reading glasses. And to actually type anything on those itty bitty buttons with my arthritic fingers? I gave up any hopes of tweeting on the damn thing.
Many people suggested I get an iPhone and assured me I would like it much better than a Blackberry. So last week when Best Buy emailed an ad offering iPhone 4 for $49 I decided it was time to get one. I was sure this would be the answer to my prayers, I'd soon be tweeting from the beach and sending photos of ridiculous old obese men wearing speedos. So off we went to shop for my iPhone...
Sweet jezzuz- the iPhone was even worse than my Black Berry! As the sales guy watched, I made clumsy attempts to type out a garbled text on the tiny touch screen keypad. But the guy said no problem, he had just what I needed and handed me a cute little pink stylus:
... and I managed to embarrass myself when I tried to use it. Looks like a pen, right? See the little button on the top of it? Well, I kept trying to click it thinking something was going to pop out of the end like a pen does. The guy finally took pity on me and to his credit without laughing explained to me that the top thingie wasn't really a button. Oh hell- I can't even keep track of my phone most of the time and have to search the beach bags for it when I need to make a call. And now I'd also have to keep track of a stylus? I threw up my hands in frustration and said fuck it! So I'm still stuck with my purple BlackBerry.
I'm waiting for them to come out with a Jitterbug sized iPhone with big ol' buttons and a humongous screen- I want a smart phone the size of a book! Come on Apple! We old folks have money to spend on a phone, just make a super sized one for us.
It's not just phones that have gotten too complicated for me... even furniture gives me grief. ROM insisted I get a new desk chair that would be better for my back than the cute wicker chair I was using. We went to Office Max and I found a nice leather chair that seemed comfortable when I tried it out so we brought it home. It even had a lever on the side under the seat that lets me lock it in position so that it's comfortable for me. I liked it okay except it was so high my feet dangled. I'm a petite little thing (okay, I'm really short and chubby 5'2" but petite sounds so much better) so I didn't think much of it. I happened to mention my dangling feet while chatting on Twitter and someone replied that I should adjust the height. I explained that the lever only locked the position of the chair and not the height. Some one suggested I check the other side of the seat for another lever. Sure enough- hidden under the seat there was another lever and now my feet touch the floor if I sit up straight. (It's kind of fun making it go up and down but ROM keeps telling me to stop playing with it because I'll break it) Why don't they provide instructions for how to use this fancy shit? Instructions in BIG PRINT!
I need to be shopping for a new coffee maker because I think ours is getting ready to blow up. But I'm scared... gawd only knows how they've changed coffeemakers in the past 5 years... I'm afraid to find out.