In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Squabblers

Snowbirds! I swear they arrive all at once like a swarm of locusts. All summer long my neighborhood is so quiet with just us laid back full timers. Then the snowbirds arrive Nov. 1st and everything changes. Suddenly there are golf carts zipping up and down the streets, people walking and stopping to chat. Then there's the old men's biker gang, oh lordy! I think there are maybe 6-8 old men with motorcycles and if they aren't a sight when they squeeze into their leathers with their bellies hanging over their pants. I guess they're reliving their glory years and still trying to wear the same clothes they wore when they were 35.  

Yesterday I was chatting with my neighbor (Dee- the dryer sheet lady)) from across the street. She's a full timer and is always up on the latest neighborhood news. She knows everyone in the community and all the gossip. She has kept me in stitches with the deets on the couple that moved into the place next door to her two years ago. They're snowbirds and in their 80s. The first time I met them was when they were moving in.  They backed their big ass pick up truck, with a long moving trailer hooked on the back end, into my front yard and were headed straight at my home. I ran out screaming for them to stop after they barely missed the palm tree in front of my house. They pretty much stay to themselves and I've never gotten to know them other than to wave when they drive by. But my neighbor, being the friendly outgoing woman she is, has gotten to know them pretty well and oh the stories-LOL. 

The first winter they were here, I noticed by Jan. they're big over sized pick up had disappeared and there was a small compact car in their driveway instead. I asked Dee if they had traded vehicles and she laughed as she told me it was a rental. Dee said the couple had a big ass fight and the Mrs. threw her husband out, so he drove home in the pick up and she had to rent a car. 

Dee went on to tell me they were a very strange couple- the Mrs. doesn't allow any cooking in the house because she doesn't like any mess. They're only allowed to eat sandwiches and cereal in the house. All their meals are eaten out at restaurants. But get this- she keeps her dining room table set with her finest china and linens- a table where no one ever eats a meal. Dee said the Mrs. invited her in one day and as they walked in the back door, the Mrs went on a tirade because the old man hadn't lined his shoes up neatly by the back door (no shoes can be worn in the house)- they were out of position! Dee said they fought constantly over little things like that. 

The day the old man got thrown out he did the unforgivable- he left crumbs on the counter after he made a sandwich and didn't put the bread away. And if that wasn't enough, the old bastard had the nerve to lay down on the couch which messed up the pillows she had earlier placed just so so. Well of course that was the last straw and she had to throw his old ass out-LOL  And that's how she ended up with a rental car in her driveway.

Then last year when they came down for the winter they brought two vehicles- him in his big ass pick up and her in her smaller SUV. I guess they knew they wouldn't make it through the winter without her throwing him out so they came prepared. And they didn't make it through the winter... he got thrown out twice last year. I don't know what crimes against humanity he committed last year- left the toilet seat up? It was then that I gave them name the "Squabblers".  

The Squabblers arrived two weeks ago, once again with two vehicles and it looks like they're going to need them. Dee said they've already had a big fight and haven't spoke to each other since the day after they arrived. I asked Dee what the old man had done this time. He had the audacity to go out to McDonald's for a breakfast sandwich and didn't bring one back for her. The dirty rotten bastard. I asked Dee if she thought they would get a divorce- she said they have already divorced but remarried about 5 years ago. Sweet jezzuz- what a way to spend the last years of your life. 

Now I need to go check my kitchen counters and make sure ROM didn't leave any crumbs...


  1. I love this story! This is way too funny. I see my Mr being the Mrs in this story. If something is left on the counter for more than 5 minutes, he loses it thinking it will spoil. I see my future needing 2 vehicles when we become snow birds..

  2. Maybe we could fix your Mr. up with Mrs. Squabbler?

  3. I think you are onto something. I dont mind being a next door neighbor and having him entertained by a neat freak. Oh.. wait until she see's his office.. The fireworks would be delicious!

  4. LOL at the scene of old biker dudes in their old biker clothes!! lmaoooo


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