In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!

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Friday, December 21, 2012

Another trip around the sun and screw you, Dr. Oz...



I'm not watching these afternoon doctor shows anymore. As if we older women don't have enough things to feel bad about, Dr. Oz made a point of telling us today that even our vocal cords get old and flabby.  I just completed yet another trip around the sun and have all kinds of body parts to worry about. Like exactly how low can a human ass and tatas sag? Is there a category for such things in Guinness World Records?  And speaking of ass, the damn arthritis is making it harder and harder to reach around to wipe my own ass. My eyes are getting so bad I have to wear my reading glasses and use a magnifying mirror to pluck my chin hair. Even then I've been known to vigorously attack a chin hair only to discover I've actually been trying to rip a wrinkle out, not realizing it until after I've drawn blood. It gets worse-  there comes the time when you realize that marathon Kegel sessions won't prevent you from dribbling in your panties when you laugh too hard. Kind of takes the fun out of laughing, dontcha' know? I’m probably only one plate of fettuccine alfredo away from my first heart attack and just a few years away from wearing a tag with my name, address and phone number pinned to my mumu.  And Dr. Oz needs to tell me my vocal cords are getting old? Screw you, Dr. Oz. 

5 comments:

  1. You are seriously funny. I can so relate to everything you said. And happy birthday. Hang in there, only the strong survive.

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    1. Isn't that the truth? It's a challenge physically but I've never been happier in my life.

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  2. Ha ha! OH, I am so there. As the saying goes, it's absolute gospel: getting old is not for the faint of heart.

    I'm just grateful I remember to wipe my ass.

    Love you, woman. Our bodies may be wearing out, but the part of us that is eternal is only getting better! XOXO

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    1. Dottie, I just read the best article- said those of us who carry some extra pounds may live longer. Lord knows the extra pounds make my face look better. Better to have a double chin than a wrinkled turkey neck- or that's what I tell myself-LOL Wish you were my neighbor- we'd have so much fun.

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  3. I cannot stand Dr. Oz. People act like he's a great messiah when actually he's an idiot with a tv show that has to hype crap to get ratings. I actually got into a twit fight about the man. Anyhoo...

    Love the pics of your plants and the luminaries were a lovely tribute.

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