In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!

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Thursday, April 24, 2014

I'll Just Say I'm Pregnant-

Bertha was given her eviction papers Monday morning. The kitchen was purged of all fattening goodies and the fridge was stocked with veggies. Don't they make a pretty and colorful picture? Pity they don't taste nearly as good as mashed potatoes smothered in homemade beef and noodles. 


I so miss the days when I could eat anything I wanted and never gain a pound. Sadly my days of being a skinny bitch are over.  Hopefully a diet of salads and lean meats will get me back into somewhat of a swim suit shape. I'm a realist- I accept I'll never be bikini worthy again. And I'm really fine with that, I had my days of turning heads on a beach but now that time is over. ( A word to young women- spend as much time naked as you can now while you're in your prime. I wish I had, damn my inhibitions)


In case I can't rid of Bertha, I've been looking at some fetching "swim dresses"- I kid, I kid! And no ruffles around my ass either. I've never understood how draping ruffles over your ass was supposed to make you look smaller. I know I'd still look like a fat ass, a big ol' ruffley fat ass, but still a fat ass. If I can't lose it, I'll wear my voluptuous belly and ass with dignity- sans the ruffles. Or I could wear a maternity swim suit and tell people I'm pregnant... with twins. When I mentioned that idea to ROM he said people would know I was too old to be pregnant. I haven't spoken to him since. He's just jealous he can't pretend to be pregnant. 

2 comments:

  1. Hahaha!! I think you're right - ROM is just jealous! No matter how you put it, dieting sucks big time & I'm sorry to tell you that it only gets harder the older you get. Voice of experience, my dear!! No matter what you wear, wear it proudly!

    ~Linda

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It does indeed suck. I try to tell myself it's eating healthy, but Bertha knows it's cruel deprivation of all the yummy foods in the world.

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