I like to think we are growing old gracefully and still somewhat cool people, but clear signs of our dotage are becoming impossible to ignore.
One of the omens of our impending senility is our struggle to keep up with technology. It's becoming harder and harder with each new gadget we acquire. We recently shit canned our hated Blackberries and got new phones. ROM went with the iPhone and I chose the Galaxy Mega.
But we have had our problems with the new phones. I figured out how to tweet from my new Mega but had a helluva time figuring out how to turn off notifications when I was mentioned in a tweet. Throughout the day and night my phone would make chirping bird sounds- not only did it annoy me, it drove Emmy crazy. Every time the phone would chirp she would run to it and bark like a maniac. And she has one of those high pitched ear piercing barks- like someone stabbing you in the ear drums with an ice pick. Finally I figured out how to turn off notifications... just before I either killed Emmy or threw the phone outside.
After resolving that issue, there was still one major problem... I couldn't figure out how to answer the damn phone when someone called me! When a call would come in a screen would pop up showing a green receiver on the left side and a red receiver on the right side. I assumed tapping the green receiver image would connect me to the caller and tapping the red receiver would terminate the call. So I'd tap the green icon and say hello- but nothing. So I'd frantically tap again and yell Hello Hello Hello??? Like screaming and pounding on the green image would make it work- ha!
I even had ROM call me while he was sitting right beside me so I could show him that my phone didn't work. Like two simple minded idgiots we took turns tapping the green receiver image trying to make it work. I finally said fuck it and clicked the home button while it was still ringing because I was tired of dealing with it. And what do you know- the ringing stopped and I was connected to the call. Who knew someday I would be so thrilled just to be able to figure out how to answer a phone?
Another sign that we're sinking into old age is the retelling of stories and arguing over whose version is right. Have you noticed that with old couples? Takes them forever to tell a story because they argue over every little detail. ROM's parents were masters at this- constantly correcting each other over story details and then arguing whose recollection was right. ROM and I swore we would never get like that. And we have tried, truly we have, especially in front of other people. But when we're alone in the privacy of our own home? Not always.
The other day ROM was explaining to me where a certain business was located in a strip mall. I commented that was the strip mall where we met the couple for drinks and she spit out her dentures and flashed her bare tatas at us (story here). As he has insisted before, he said he was sure it happened at the Elks Club. Why he thinks that I haven't a clue and I usually don't argue that point with him but on this day it rubbed me the wrong way. I jumped up from my chair and screamed "Stop saying that! It was a gawd damn bar in a strip mall. Every time you say it was at the Elks I want to slap you! Think whatever you gawd damn want but don't ever say that to me again!" After a moment of silence he started to mention the Elks again and I cut him off with "Do not say the Elks to me again!!!". After another minute of dead silence, he grinned at me and said "Okay". But I betcha' the next time he tells the story he will say it was at the Elks... because that's what old people do.