In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!

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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

So My Titties Aren't Good Enough For You?

Is there anything more boring than shopping for groceries? Well, there actually might be things that are more boring, but it has to be in the top 10. I hate it. As we wait in line I always read the tabloid headlines to ROM to catch him up on all the celebrity gossip. Not that he really cares- he is so not into pop culture and celebrity dirt. But it amuses me and kills time while we wait. So whether he cares about the latest Real Housewives scandal or why the world hates Kanye this week, I'm going to inform him. 

Last weekend as we waited in line to spend a small fortune on two bags of groceries, I scanned the tabloid headlines to find something interesting to share with him. (You know, they say communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship. Perhaps David wouldn't have cheated if Shannon had read tabloid headlines to him.) The headline that caught my attention was about Kriss Kardashian being jealous of Caitlyn's popularity and money. I explained to ROM that Caitlyn reached one million followers on Twitter quicker than anyone ever! And she was making bucket loads of money for photos, interviews and TV shows. And then it occurred to me....

Me: You should consider transgendering. Evidently there's big money to be made. We could get that cottage on the beach.

ROM: I don't think Medicare covers that kind of surgery.

Me: To save money I could give you my old titties.

ROM: But then you wouldn't have any titties. 

Me: Well, I could get new ones with the money you'd make from your story.

ROM: So I'm stuck with your old titties and you get new ones? 

Me: Oh, so my titties aren't good enough for you? I'll remember that next time you want to touch them! 

And I didn't speak to him all the way home. Or let him touch my titties. 

2 comments:

  1. You have no idea how badly I needed that laugh today! You are priceless.

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  2. I read this out loud to my wife and by the end we were both laughing so hard we were crying. I had to keep starting over because I was laughing to much for her to understand what I was saying. Every time I look at her now she says I can't touch her tittys

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