In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!


Thursday, March 31, 2011

Big Ol' Storm A Comin' And The Prostitution Whore Duck

We have bad storms in the area today so Isabella is busy staring at the wall waiting for the world to end.

The Tampa area was hard hit this morning and it's just now reaching us down here now. An hour ago is was dark but the air was still and dead...

(Click photos to see full size)

Now the winds have picked up and are really making the palm trees sing-

And who do I see in the back yard looking for refuge from the storm?
It's the prostitution whore duck and one of her johns! Not a good pic because I had to use the camera zoom, but I'm sure you can recognize her.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Night of Storms, Drug Seeking Dog and Vomit Covered Ear

After weeks of sunny but extremely dry weather, we finally had a chance of rain appear in our forecast. And sure enough, around sunset Sunday night clouds moved in and Isabella started pacing.

(Click pictures to see full size)

Though the weather guy said our best chance for rain was Monday morning, Isabella insisted the skies would soon open at any moment and we all would die. Her Xanax (the generic because I'm cheap) are kept in my desk drawer and she knows it. She alternated from pacing to sitting in front of the desk drawer for several hours. By 10 p.m. I couldn't stand the pacing anymore so got her Xanax out of the drawer and you can see her eager response to the sight of her beloved special storm meds...
You'd think they were frigging gourmet dog treats! Oddly enough, she only sits at the drawer wanting them when there are storms in the area. I'm hoping that means she isn't an addict and only wants them for legitimate theraputic reasons. If I ever catch her hanging around street corners doing nasty things to strange dogs in exchange for drugs, I'm sending her to rehab. I wonder if she could get on Celebrity Rehab?

Once again Isabella was right and the weather man was wrong. The storms started about midnight instead of Monday morning. And damn did it storm! We got that booming thunder that makes the ceiling light fixtures rattle. Lightning was intense and the power flickered a few times. Even with one and half pills in her, she was convinced the evil thunder demon was going to come through the ceiling, scream prostitution whore at us, chase us through the house, rip our hair out and crush us with a flipped table (yes, she watches Real Housewives with me). So I played countless games of solitaire on the computer and she sat in the hallway, shaking and staring at the wall. She'll sit like that during an entire storm as long as I'm at my computer with the door open and she can see me. If I leave the computer room she glues herself to me following my every step.

By about 3 a.m. I got one of those sudden migraines I sometimes get when weather fronts move through. It was one of those crushing ones that always ends with me vomiting. Within an hour I was leaning over the toilet vomiting my innards out with a terrified dog attached to my side. I'd push her away and she'd move right back in on me, even closer. Somehow she got her head over the toilet and the next thing I knew I'd vomited on her ear. So then I had to get her in the tub and wash the puke off her which made me sick all over again. As I moved back to the toilet, I was sternly telling her to stay in the tub, and thank ya jezzuz she listened to me. When I finally had nothing left in me to vomit, I quickly towel dried her head, cleaned the tub,  washed my face and brushed my teeth. About that time Real Old Man got up to get ready for work and the first thing he said was "Why are you bathing Bella at this time in the morning?" I just gave him a look and said "Don't ask a fucking thing!". I gave Bella another pill and went to bed.

I got up a few hours later and it was still raining...

At noon it was still raining

Late afternoon it was still raining...

Early evening it was still raining

And it continued to rain

As I sat in the computer room tonight, Isabella took up her usual storm position in the hallway staring at the wall waiting for something awful to happen.  

It's now midnight, 24 hours after from the beginning of the storm. The rain has stopped and all is well in Isabella's world again. After a devouring a bowl of food, a trip outside to potty, she crawled into her crate and is soundly asleep. She'll stay there until I go to bed. No matter how quiet I am, the minute I turn the computer off, she leaps up and beats me to the bedroom.
I think we're both ready for a quiet uneventful night, sound sleep and hopefully no one gets puked on...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

All We Needed Was a Psychic With an Electronic Cigarette...

I told most of this story in bits and pieces on Twitter but I promised SweeetBea   MalibuEve  and LuvToLoveU  that I'd write the whole thing out and include an update.

We attended what turned out to be a memorable dinner party over the weekend. It was only the second time we'd been to this couple's home and I don't actually know them well. We're friends of a couple who are close friends to them and that's how we were included. The times we've been around this couple they've been very pleasant.  Here's how I told the story on Twitter:

Sweet jezzuz- what a crazy night. The hostess confronted her husband about cheating right in the middle of dinner. Talk about uncomfortable

Somebody complimented her on how nice the house looked, she said "Not only is my housekeeper great at cleaning"...continued

Continued: "She's also great at fucking my husband". We all about died!

And he didn't know until that moment that his wife knew about his affair.

He was speechless first, then tried to calm her down saying they'd discuss it later. But there was no shutting her up.

When she spit that out there was dead silence, forks suspended in mid air, and mouths agape

We all just sat there in shocked silence. No one knew what to do. He tried to calm her down, but she kept drinking and got weepy. 

By the time we left she was smashed and weepy

Actually they aren't "close" friends of ours. We're friends of a couple they are close to. Only 2nd time I've been to their home

I stayed out of it, just listened and nodded occasionally

I just kept eating

You should have seen her husband's face- he didn't know she knew until that moment

You won't believe what first made her suspicious- his Viagra was disappearing faster than it should have!!!!! 

She said pharmacy phoned her 2 tell her refill was ready for pick up, she knew they hadn't done it enough times 2 need refill

She watched the house on the cleaning lady's day and saw her husband come home,

Not a live in housekeeper, a cleaning lady that comes in twice a week

All I know is she saw hubby coming home on day cleaning lady was there.What made her suspicious of the cleaning lady, I don't now

I'll have to call one of the gals and see what's going on

My tweet buddies wanted more details so I promised them I'd call my friend who is close to the dinner party hostess- let's call her Jane. So here's the skinny... Jane discovered the cheating right before Thanksgiving. Around the same time that the pharmacy called her about the Viagra refill being ready for pick up, a neighbor asked if her husband was ill. It seems the neighbor had noticed hubby had come home in the afternoon twice that week and thought maybe he was sick. Jane knew hubby hadn't been sick and hadn't mentioned to her that he'd been going home in the afternoons so that made her suspicious. For the next few weeks, she parked down the street and watched the house on the afternoons the cleaning lady was scheduled to be there, and sure enough she saw her husband coming home on those days, staying a couple hours and then going back to work.

What I found to be so strange is that she let it go on and didn't say anything until last weekend at the dinner party! Jane told my friend that what set her off was that shortly before we all arrived her husband had told her they had to postpone the cruise they had been planning. He told her he couldn't get away from work, but she knew he'd had no problem getting away from work two afternoons a week for months. And that was the catalyst for the outburst at the dinner party. My friend said they are still together, considering couples therapy and the cleaning lady has been fired.  What I want to know is why two adults with no kids at home need a cleaning lady twice a week? Damn, they must be messy!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

To Be Chubby or Wrinkly? Oh, the Choices!

For the past few years, every spring I have the same 15- 20 pounds to lose. I swear I'm going to name them and claim them as dependents! Once again I've started my spring diet, but have mixed feelings about it. Of course I want to lose the belly before I hit the beach in a swim suit, but I also lose it in places I don't want to lose it. Like my face. I was looking in the mirror this morning and realized I like my chubby face better than my thin face. My chubby face looks younger, less jowly and definitely less wrinkled. So what do I want to look like? A younger chubby woman with a pot belly, or a slender older woman with wrinkled and saggy jowled face? I'm really not sure! Oh, the choices old age gives us...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Empty Pots Must Be Filled...

I got the shepard's hook painted yesterday, so today I was ready to fill the pots and get them up. It was a beautiful day- sunny and high of about 80. I even got some color on my face from the time I was outside.  Notice the face at the door watching my every move...
Click photos to see full size
 One down, three to go....
 Two down and two to go....

 And they're done!
I now need to repot all the plants on the lanai. I was over the moon tonight when Real Old Man told me he ordered a potting bench for me! So I'll postpone repotting the lanai plants until the potting bench arrives. I know exactly where I'm going to put it, and then I want to put a trellis at both ends with some pretty flowering vines. Jewelry and designer clothes aren't the way to my heart. Buy me plants and a potting bench and I'm yours forever.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Is there a fatal dose of pollen?

Every morning I wipe this off my lanai table. This greenish yellow pollen that coats everything in the spring is what's responsible for my weepy swollen eyes, scratching throat, stopped up ears, dull headache, wheezy breathing and nagging cough. It goes on for months. Isn't that the shits when you're allergic to the natural world? I don't think that says much about our evolution to adapt to our natural world. I think allergies will be the thing that wipes out the human species. We will all die from asthmatic lungs and weepy eyes that makes it impossible to wear eye makeup.

You'd think I'd be smart enough to stay inside during spring when there are high pollen levels. Evidently not because I spent Sunday shopping for plants.

Click all photos to enlarge to full size 

And here is what I brought home. I'll be potting them in the wire hanging baskets with the fiber liners and hang them on a shepard's hook.

These little yellow flowers are called Nemesia 'Angelart'

And of course some bright pink geraniums

Look who is peeking out the door

I'm surprised to see my crown of thorns blooming. I left it outside during the sub freezing nights we had. After the freeze it lost all it's leaves and flowers. But here it is coming back with new growth, leaves, and blooms

Although most of the big leaves were damaged from the freezes we had, our Bird Of Paradise is coming back, too. We recently pruned off most of the cold damaged leaves, but new ones are already coming out and it even has bloomed- see the white flower?
One day this week, I'll spend time outside potting all the plants, and come night I will be cussing them because my eyes will be swelling and weeping, my  throat will hurt, voice will be husky, and ears will be so stopped up I won't be able to hear. But damn, they'll sure look pretty!

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Who Knew Anogenital Distance Could Be So Important!

On my Yahoo homepage I subscribe to various news sites. When I saw a link to a story about "anogenital distance" I just had to click it, dontcha' know? I'd never heard of the word "anogenital" before but when I saw it I had a pretty good idea what it meant.

Evidently a study was done to see if there was any correlation between men's sperm count and the distance between their anus and scrotum. What I want to know is how that even occurred to someone. I consider myself a curious and well informed person but anus/scrotum distance relation to sperm count never ever popped into my mind. In fact I never gave any thought to the distance between a man's anus and scrotum. Who thinks about shit like that?

I hope to hell this study wasn't funded by taxpayers money. While schools, health care programs, and law enforcement agencies are facing deep funding cuts, surely taxpayers money wasn't spent on measuring men's t'aints? Of course on the other hand, this study would have created jobs- official t'aint measurers. Imagine calling mom all excited to tell her you had a new job and telling her you were anogenital measuring specialist. And wouldn't that look good on your resume?

I'm not sure how this information will be useful. Will young women who want to marry and have children start measuring their boyfriends anogenital areas?  Will eHarmony start asking men to include their anogenital  measurement on their profiles? What a crazy world we live in! Sorry, no photos for today's entry- I'm not taking pictures of men's t'aints!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Chillounge Night in Downtown Sarasota...

Saturday night we went to Sarasota's 4th annual Chillounge Night. It was a beautiful night for an outdoor street party. Several blocks were lined with wicker lounges and love seats, and the street lights were draped with gorgeous gold fabrics and tiny white lights everywhere. Everything looked so elegant and romantic, with the landscaping giving an over all tropical look- gorgeous!

I have no idea why Blogger posts some of my photos sideways and I've not been figured out how to correct it.

These gorgeous ladies were accompanied by a steel drum band in a parade that took place early in the evening. They later performed on stage.

There were two bands, the first to take the stage was a Latin band and they were quite good. Later a bluesy rock band played and they were terrific.

And here are Real Old Man and I enjoying the evening seated in one of the wicker double lounge chairs.

One of the most amazing sights of the night was this woman's amazing ass! I swear it was like a ledge- you could set a potted plant on it! The picture isn't very good because she caught me taking the picture and immediately moved- after giving me a dirty look.