In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!

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Monday, August 27, 2012

The Hurricane That Never Arrived-

We were all set for a hurricane- supplies gathered, plants moved in, lanai furniture turned over, drugs for Isabella, beer for Real Old Man and weed for me. I even shaved my legs and plucked my chin hair. I sure as hell didn't want my body in some make shift morgue with leg stubble showing and wires sprouting out of my chin, dontcha' know?

Tropical Storm Isaac turned out to be much to do about nothing for us on the west coast of Florida, not that I'm complaining! We had wind and rain all last night but nothing severe. There was a tornado just east of us earlier this afternoon, and storm squalls continue to pass through our area, but all in all we've been very fortunate. This afternoon we were getting ready to drive out to Anna Maria Island beaches (what little was left from Debby) and take some photos when we checked our local weather channel and saw a newscaster reporting live. The wind was blowing sand so hard he had to get off the beach, so we've postponed going until tomorrow.

As you can see our home is still standing- even the palm tree I always worry about when it's windy. 




Isabella has been a trooper, thanks to her Xanax and Thundershirt. Actually I don't think the Thundershirt does a damn thing for her but I'm hoping she eventually associates the euphoric feeling she gets from the Xanax with the Thundershirt.


Without Xanax she would have been glued to her wall for days- seriously. I have no idea why she always goes to that wall and intently stares at it as she drools and trembles when storms are in the area, but she does- for hours on end just like this:



Instead of staring at her wall, thanks to the wonder of Xanax she ate her dinner and then spent the evening on the couch as I watched True Blood and RHONJ. Even my screaming at Caroline Manzo didn't disturb her...
 (Toy was strategically placed for modesty reasons. Emmy will be so pissed when she finds out her toy was on Bella's crotch)

Sweet dreams for sweet Isabella-


Sunday, August 26, 2012

Getting Ready For Hurricane Issac

 It's almost  1 p.m. and the wind has started


                  Isabella has her Thunder Shirt on and Xanax in her tummy






Plants have been moved into the lanai and furniture turned over in preparation for the winds.

I'll be updating throughout the day as long as we have power.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

ROH Real HouseCanines Drama!

While I was in my studio room doodling an evil eye design, a power struggle went on beneath my work table. 



Though there are several dog beds in both the computer and studio room, Emmy and Isabella always want the same one. The preferred bed in the studio is the one under my work table.  When I prepare to settle into the studio to work, the dogs race in trying to be the first to claim the coveted bed. Today Isabella won the race and the power struggle began...

Emmy: I'm going to stare at you until you get up and give me the bed.
Isabella doesn't seem to care.





So Emmy tries some of her other tricks. She looks at the door and barks as if something exciting is going on outside.
Emmy: Psst.. Bella! It's the UPS truck! Go get 'em, big girl!





Bella almost falls for it but at the last minute decides Emmy is just messing with her.
Isabella: You're a big fat liar, Emmy.



Emmy: I hate you and I'm going to stare at you again- so there!




Isabella: Quit looking at me!




So Bella gives her the back treatment and resumes her napping.




The garbage truck comes down the street and they both tear out of the room to bark their fool heads off.




But Isabella beats Emmy back to the bed once again.




And like before, she turns her back on Emmy's stare. Emmy can't believe she lost out on the bed this time, too.


Stares and distraction haven't worked so Emmy tries insults.

Emmy: Damn bitch, your ass stinks! Go take a bath, you stanky ho!




Emmy: And I'm going to open a Twitter account and tell everyone your ass stinks. I might even start a blog.

This went on for hours until ROM came home and they both took off to compete for his attention...  I have just as much conflict going on with my own real housecanine drama queens as Bravo does with their human ones.







Thursday, August 2, 2012

Stuff Is Just Too Complicated Now Days...

I don't know why technology waited to go crazy until my brain had aged and turned to sludge, my eyesight had faded and my fine motor skills had deteriorated. For most of my adult life things stayed basically the same. The only change in telephones for many, many years was when they went from rotary dials to push buttons, but basically phones stayed the same. I remember as a very young adult living in the boonies of Ky. having a phone that was on a party line. Of course that was somewhere around 45 years ago but I soon moved to civilization where party lines were a thing of the past. Eventually there were cordless phones which were an amazing and marvelous invention.  

Then cell phones came along which was the first major change in phones in decades. They were nice to have when you were out and about, but many of us continued to rely on our home land line phones for most of our calling. Then ROM and I decided to save money by eliminating our land line and just rely on our cell phones. The cell phone was okay, other than I had to sit close to a window or outside to get a strong signal. They weren't perfect and had their problems such as if I tried to walk around the house as I talked the calls would often drop and made me long for my old cordless phone. But I managed even if I did bitch about the glitches. And then smart phones arrived on the scene... 


I have a love/hate relationship with smart phones. Don't get me wrong- it's amazing what phones can do today. You can make calls, email, Twitter, view the internet, take photos and videos, text, and there are apps that can do just about anything. And I want to be able to do all those things. My major bitch about smart phones is they are too damn little! What is the fascination with making things tinier and tinier? Stop it! We don't need phones the size of a gawd damn postage stamp and buttons the size of an ant turd. To even see the buttons on my Blackberry I need my +3 strength reading glasses. And to actually type anything on those itty bitty buttons with my arthritic fingers?  I gave up any hopes of tweeting on the damn thing. 

Many people suggested I get an iPhone and assured me I would like it much better than a Blackberry. So last week when Best Buy emailed an ad offering iPhone 4 for $49 I decided it was time to get one. I was sure this would be the answer to my prayers, I'd soon be tweeting from the beach and sending photos of ridiculous old obese men  wearing speedos. So off we went to shop for my iPhone...

Sweet jezzuz- the iPhone was even worse than my Black Berry! As the sales guy watched, I made clumsy attempts to type out a garbled text on the tiny touch screen keypad. But the guy said no problem, he had just what I needed and handed me a cute little pink stylus:

    
... and I managed to embarrass myself when I tried to use it. Looks like a pen, right? See the little button on the top of it? Well, I kept trying to click it thinking something was going to pop out of the end like a pen does. The guy finally took pity on me and to his credit without laughing explained to me that the top thingie wasn't really a button. Oh hell- I can't even keep track of my phone most of the time and have to search the beach bags for it when I need to make a call. And now I'd also have to keep track of a stylus? I threw up my hands in frustration and said fuck it! So I'm still stuck with my purple BlackBerry.


I'm waiting for them to come out with a Jitterbug sized iPhone with big ol' buttons and a humongous screen- I want a smart phone the size of a book! Come on Apple! We old folks have money to spend on a phone, just make a super sized one for us.

It's not just phones that have gotten too complicated for me... even furniture gives me grief. ROM insisted I get a new desk chair that would be better for my back than the cute wicker chair I was using. We went to Office Max and I found a nice leather chair that seemed comfortable when I tried it out so we brought it home. It even had a lever on the side under the seat that lets me lock it in position so that it's comfortable for me. I liked it okay except it was so high my feet dangled. I'm a petite little thing (okay, I'm really short and chubby 5'2" but petite sounds so much better) so I didn't think much of it. I happened to mention my dangling feet while chatting on Twitter and someone replied that I should adjust the height. I explained that the lever only locked the position of the chair and not the height.  Some one suggested I check the other side of the seat for another lever. Sure enough- hidden under the seat there was another lever and now my feet touch the floor if I sit up straight. (It's kind of fun making it go up and down but ROM keeps telling me to stop playing with it because I'll break it) Why don't they provide instructions for how to use this fancy shit? Instructions in BIG PRINT!


I need to be shopping for a new coffee maker because I think ours is getting ready to blow up. But I'm scared... gawd only knows how they've changed coffeemakers in the past 5 years... I'm afraid to find out.