You know it's serious when someone says: "We need to talk." I hate it when someone tells me that because I know it's probably going to be something I don't want to talk about.
We went to the beach yesterday and when we got home I asked ROM to make a pot of coffee while I showered. Just as I was stepping into the shower I heard him yell: "What the hell! Jezzuz Christ!" I assumed the dogs had done something while we were gone, Emmy is known to get on tables and knock things off.
When I came out of the bathroom and ready for a cup of coffee, I found a serious looking ROM and no coffee waiting for me. That's when he said the dreaded words... we need to talk. And it went like this-
Me: Why didn't you make coffee? If we need to talk, I need coffee.
ROM: There is no coffee. All that was in the freezer was a coffee bag filled with frozen dog shit! FROZEN DOG SHIT!
I just stared at him because I had no idea what he was talking about.
ROM: And don't try telling me you're growing a dog like you did with the banana peels story.
Me: You've never forgiven me for that so you're going to try to make me believe there was a coffee bag of frozen dog crap in the freezer? Ha! I'm not nearly as gullible as you. I'll make the damn coffee myself.
I looked in the freezer and there was no coffee.
Me: Okay, where is the damn coffee? I'm serious, I want coffee and I want it now.
ROM then walked over to the wastebasket and pulled out the bag of coffee. Just as I was getting ready to yank it out of his hands, he opened it and I saw that it was indeed filled with baggies of frozen dog crap. Sweet jezzuz, I must have gotten distracted, thrown the new bag of coffee in the trash and stuck the old one I had filled with poop baggies in the freezer.
Me: I wonder how in the hell that happened?
ROM: You know my aunt started doing things like this just before she was diagnosed with dementia. Well, she didn't freeze dog shit because they didn't have a dog but she started putting dirty dishes back in the cabinets.
Me: Oh come on, who hasn't at sometime accidentally put dog poop in their freezer? Everybody has done it!
And then we laughed until we were both gasping for air. We'd quit laughing, look at each other and then start all over again. Finally ROM took off for the store to buy coffee while I cleaned everything out of the freezer and disinfected it with bleach.
In 2002 we ran away from Illinois where we were born and raised, and started a new life in SW Florida. This blog is about me (an eccentric old artist), ROM (my Real Old Man), Isabella (our neurotic Standard Poodle) and Emmy (our crazy snake killing Jack Russell Terrier). Oh- and the neighborhood old people. Life is good in Florida!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
I know it's been months since I wrote anything, but I have read all your comments- thank you! I could be pretentious and blame it on writer's block, but the truth is I keep falling back into my black hole. But it's summer now, I'm getting out more and have a new project in the works. I live in the Sunshine State, and by god I shall be sunny even if it kills me!