When I showed up yesterday morning at Manatee Memorial Hospital for the biopsy, I was told plans had been changed. The doctor performing the procedure decided not to biopsy the lesions on my spine and felt he could get the samples needed from the nodes in my neck. I was a bit apprehensive when I heard one of the techs say the nodes to be biopsied were right over my jugular vein. But after some thought about slowly dying in pain from cancer, dying quickly by bleeding out through my jugular didn't sound all that bad. Anyway, I didn't bleed out and it all went okay. The spine biopsy would have meant a spinal block and time in the recovery room, whereas the neck biopsy only meant numbing my neck and I was in and out in under 2 hours. And now I wait for the results- metastatic lung cancer or lymphoma?
My emotions are all over the place. I seem to be either on the verge of hysteria or so numb and shut down that I can watch a TV show and have no recall of what it was about. And at times just sad. Still having intense pain in my back and shoulder. I can't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time before the pain makes me get up, so I'm constantly exhausted.
I still haven't hooked up with a new primary care doctor. Other than the letter from Pinnacle Medical Care which arrived earlier this week informing me that Dr. Lopez was suddenly no longer working for them, I haven't heard anything from them regarding transferring me to another PC doctor. Perhaps my pulmonary specialist, Dr. Burke, will have suggestions for a new PC doctor. Or maybe I don't need a primary care doctor, just an oncologist? I miss the good old days when your family doctor cared for you from cradle to grave. Now we have primary care doctors whose purpose seems to be merely referring you to various specialists.
I started a sketchbook dedicated to documenting this cancer thing, but my creativity has dried up and left the building. Perhaps once this god awful pain is relieved, it will return.